this is a topic i've been struggling with since the beginning of my existence. it has fully manifested in these recent years and i'm am aware of the backlash it brings with it.
i feel like i'm being punished all the time. i know it has got to do with my stubborn and rebellious nature. i want to lead yet there is security in following. i want to lead yet the lack of support makes it hard for me to believe in myself. often enough, i feel so isolated...... and lonely.
the people i love tend to condemn me and this makes me very unhappy. i picked this up from a site when i googled self-love:
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to feel shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
honestly? i've learnt all the negative traits of the above. i grew up well-developed academically but i'm a repressed child inside. the person i think i love the most calls me selfish and condemns me when i make sense to myself. is it too late for me? of course not, as many would say. learning is a lifelong journey. but if definitely is difficult. all i can say is, i'm not strong enough to do this alone. and yet, my warped sense of pride makes it hard for me to accept help.
i wonder how long it'll take for me to break free of these shackles.
♥ bubbles SUBTLY fUnKy.
3:15 PM
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