Sunday, November 29, 2009
i'm having a very hard time
i cannot be myself anymore. being myself is going against what i want. i want to be with you and i want to be happy. i'm having a very hard time striking a balance. i cannot understand you if you don't say anything. i cannot be happy if i always feel condemned and guilty. you have to stop making me feel this way, unless you don't give a damn.
i'm in a grey zone now. i need your help.you need to be my light, not the one shrouding me in darkness.
♥ bubbles SUBTLY fUnKy.
9:03 PM
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
self-love and self-acceptance
this is a topic i've been struggling with since the beginning of my existence. it has fully manifested in these recent years and i'm am aware of the backlash it brings with it.
i feel like i'm being punished all the time. i know it has got to do with my stubborn and rebellious nature. i want to lead yet there is security in following. i want to lead yet the lack of support makes it hard for me to believe in myself. often enough, i feel so isolated...... and lonely.
the people i love tend to condemn me and this makes me very unhappy. i picked this up from a site when i googled self-love:
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to feel shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
honestly? i've learnt all the negative traits of the above. i grew up well-developed academically but i'm a repressed child inside. the person i think i love the most calls me selfish and condemns me when i make sense to myself. is it too late for me? of course not, as many would say. learning is a lifelong journey. but if definitely is difficult. all i can say is, i'm not strong enough to do this alone. and yet, my warped sense of pride makes it hard for me to accept help.
i wonder how long it'll take for me to break free of these shackles.
♥ bubbles SUBTLY fUnKy.
3:15 PM
