Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Love Bank
i can't help breaking down into sobs everytime the topic of marriage pops up recently. was i too touched or maybe too envious of happy newly weds? or am i of that age where women fret being left on the shelf?
while google-ing for possible reasons for my sudden outbursts, i stumbled upon this website called Marriage Builders, and it shed new light on my perspective to relationships. i like the way Dr. Harley analogised keeping marriages alive by maintaining a Love Bank.
Basically, when a couple opens a Love Bank account, they must strive to make large love deposits into the account while minimising love withdrawals. Dr. Harley helps to identify what type of deposits are significant and what type behaviours and situations lead to withdrawals. (sheesh i feel like i'm advertising haha)
in particular, the concepts of 'instincts and habits', 'the most important emotional needs', 'the policy of undivided attention' and 'love busters' made most sense to me. ~to my dearest lg, please spend some time reading these instead of SPI... they won't scare your pants off :p ~
couple of excerpts -
"In marriage, one of our most destructive behaviors is an angry outbursts, where we intentionally try to hurt our spouse, causing massive Love Bank withdrawals. But it's something we do naturally -- it's instinctive. Instincts and habits, such as angry outbursts, are often inappropriate. They may have been created as valid solutions to certain problems, but many are unsuitable for other problems that trigger them anyway. This is where our intelligence comes in handy. We can actually eliminate certain habits when we discover that they are ineffective in solving certain problems, and we can substitute effective habits."
"What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration.
But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage."
"The Policy of Undivided Attention:
Give your spouse your undivided attention
a minimum of fifteen hours each week,
using the time to meet his or her
most important emotional needs." - this, my dear lg, you have to read in-depth to understand. click on the link above!
"the six love busters are: selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, angry outbursts, annoying habits, independent behaviour and dishonesty."
i think this site makes a good weekend read. there's always room for enrichment don't you think? (my hint couldn't be more obvious aye? heehee)
♥ bubbles SUBTLY fUnKy.
9:44 AM
