No one wants a jealous partner and no one likes to be jealous. But why, after so many ordeals, can't jealousy be contained?
Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person, and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them.
~ L. Ron Hubbard
Does insecurity stem from the relationship or oneself?
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do no have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn on the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into buiding your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.
~ Jennifer James
Jealousy damages love when jealous feelings get out of proportion. For example, when a man makes an embarrassing scene at a party because his wife accepts an invitation to dance with an old friend, or when a woman is overwhelmed with jealousy because her husband's company appoints a female boss.
These kinds of reaction can put a huge strain on a relationship, leaving the other partner feeling as though they're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid a jealous reaction. The jealous partner, often aware of their problem, swings between self-blame and justification.
Overcoming jealousy takes patience and hard work.
Give yourself a reality check - take a good look at those things that trigger your jealousy and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? And is your behaviour actually making the situation worse?
Use positive self-talk - when you start feeling the twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you, is committed to you and respects you. Tell yourself you're a loveable person and that nothing's going on.
Seek reassurance - one of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don't nag or bully, but rather share your insecurities and ask them to help you overcome the problem.
Living with a jealous partner requires patience and hard work as well. There simple methods, which require care and understanding, to ease the tension.
Think of the problem in a different way - remember that jealousy is a sign of love. If your partner didn't value your relationship, you wouldn't be having this problem. Rather than becoming defensive, try to be understanding and supportive.
Check your behaviour - if you know that certain behaviours trigger your partner's jealousy, change them if you can if only until the problem has been overcome. Be sure to stick to any agreements you've made, too, but avoid making promises you'll find difficult to keep, such as always being contactable.
Build your partner's confidence - be sure to take every opportunity to tell your partner how much you love them and why you wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Give lots of compliments and talk about the wonderful future you're looking forward to spending with them.
Remember that jealousy with a pinch of salt can help spice up a relationship. Too much on the other hand, can be hazardous to health!
