When Night Falls in Eden

Never past stage 3

2010-05-12T13:07:00.000+08:00

Where are you at now?

Stage 1 - The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can't get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other... mainly because you're both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities - you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as "bad" in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can't imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you're in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that "head over heels in love" feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line - you are happier than you've ever been, and can't imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 - The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner's little habits aren't quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you're willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you've just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 - The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a "bad" thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can't be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you're unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it's tempting to believe that your partner's sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they'll move on to....

Stage 4 - The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn't perfect, but your personal differences aren't quite as threatening as they used to be. You're able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 - The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore... yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you've chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you've made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner's habits or character in this phase. You've collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together - you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

About the author: Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT.

10 things i hate about you

2010-05-12T02:14:00.001+08:00

one. i hate it when you hurt me. you don't even feel bad about it.

two. i hate it when you'd always blow your top even though it's a small matter.

three. i hate it when you care more about how your friends feel instead of how i feel.

four. i hate it when you threaten me and turn the tables when you are at fault.

five. i hate it when you give up after only trying for 5 seconds.

six. i hate it when you walk off.

seven. i hate it when you don't listen. you hear what others say but not me.

eight. i hate it when you lie. you do it so much i don't know when you speak the truth.

nine. i hate it when you refuse to compromise. you compromise with everybody but me.

ten. i hate it when you never apologise. you have no idea how insincere you are.

why???

2010-04-24T23:53:00.005+08:00

i don't understand u. sometimes u are so generous, understanding, caring and patient. other times u are so childish, temperamental, bully me and make my life so miserable.

why is it everytime i praise u infront of my friends and feel proud u are my bf, the next day u show me just how much of a jerk u are? it's like one moment i feel so blessed and the next moment the truth hits me. jinxed issit? next time i should just say bad things about u and u won't do them?

be more of a man can? hmph. don't pms. u don't have the right to have pms. u have a balls not breasts.

read up and prove to me u can be trusted. and stop pronouncing my name wrongly or i'll totally give up on u!

how to be a better boyfriend/husband

be a better boyfriend

enough is enough!

2010-02-04T17:13:00.000+08:00

i really BTH already ok! i hate stinky pillows and now even my hair is stinky! you NEED to do something. let's go see a doc k???

HOW TO STOP DROOLING IN YOUR SLEEP

new year resolutions

2009-12-31T00:13:00.002+08:00

i don't typically do this, cos i don't actually believe in it. i used to think new year resolutions were for people to verbalise what they hope they could achieve yet mostly it's just for the sake of showing people what plans they have in store. you know, NATO.

for me it's like keeping an organizer... i'd buy it probably cos it's a marie or it was pink, and i'd write in it for a few days and the rest of the pages would still be empty by the time i found a new one i liked.

today, on the last day of 2009, i suddenly felt like doing my 2010 resolutions. hehe... maybe i feel if i put it down in black and white (or black and pink) that it'd be 1 step closer to realisation.

i want to have dinner at the jewel box and experience fake snow.

i want to stop procrastinating.

i want to stop being confrontational.

i want to pee regularly.

i want to wash my face twice a day, EVERYDAY.

hmm, keep it simple and achievable! haha

i'm having a very hard time

2009-11-29T21:03:00.001+08:00

i cannot be myself anymore. being myself is going against what i want. i want to be with you and i want to be happy. i'm having a very hard time striking a balance. i cannot understand you if you don't say anything. i cannot be happy if i always feel condemned and guilty. you have to stop making me feel this way, unless you don't give a damn.

i'm in a grey zone now. i need your help.you need to be my light, not the one shrouding me in darkness.

self-love and self-acceptance

2009-11-25T15:15:00.003+08:00

this is a topic i've been struggling with since the beginning of my existence. it has fully manifested in these recent years and i'm am aware of the backlash it brings with it.

i feel like i'm being punished all the time. i know it has got to do with my stubborn and rebellious nature. i want to lead yet there is security in following. i want to lead yet the lack of support makes it hard for me to believe in myself. often enough, i feel so isolated...... and lonely.

the people i love tend to condemn me and this makes me very unhappy. i picked this up from a site when i googled self-love:

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to feel shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.

honestly? i've learnt all the negative traits of the above. i grew up well-developed academically but i'm a repressed child inside. the person i think i love the most calls me selfish and condemns me when i make sense to myself. is it too late for me? of course not, as many would say. learning is a lifelong journey. but if definitely is difficult. all i can say is, i'm not strong enough to do this alone. and yet, my warped sense of pride makes it hard for me to accept help.

i wonder how long it'll take for me to break free of these shackles.

spot check

2009-09-01T18:33:00.000+08:00

Dearest lg,

thank you for always visiting my blog.

i have taken note of some complaints and have made the respective changes. Take a peek to your right. ^_^

i LOVE you!

Yours truly,
lp

it's been awhile...

2009-08-03T11:16:00.004+08:00

jeez... it's been awhile since i last visited my own blog. almost forgot it existed! haha i bet the ppl who used to read this have also forgotten cos it's been almost half a year since i last posted anything.

anyway, updates!

since my last stable job at shs in 2008, i slacked at home unemployed for half a year, did part-time waitressing at a jap restaurant for a wk, which led my to my next job where i conducted gym lessons for pre-schoolers, and now finally i'm settled in promoting Georgian wines! (for which i'm their ambassador of sweet wines haha)

one of my best gals just got married over the wkend... the youngest in our group but the first to be wed... seriously i'm sooooo happy for her! she's off to her honeymoon now... and i'm secretly praying i'll get a baby niece when she returns... (buck up u big brown bear)

looking back on some of my posts... i realise i've been so preoccupied with feelings and emotions... i am a selfish person by nature. all i think about are my own feelings. i don't actually spare much thought for others, sometimes. i've actually been considering going for therapy even. i don't feel too satisfied with the way my life is going. feels like i'm there, but i'm not. maybe i haven't put my heart and soul into anything much. never really strived for anything. i claim that i have tried my very best in my relationship thou... but at times it feels like i'm all talk, no action. i just don't understand where people get the motivation. nothing drives me. only negativity.

if i could, i'd like to be a critic. den i can actually get paid for being nasty and not having to feel bad for it.

oh well. time flies. prob the next time i surf past this blog it'll be 2010 already.

i've lived a third of my life. but am i living it?

have you ever...?

2009-02-01T11:31:00.003+08:00

... doubted yourself?
... said something you didn't mean?
... did something you didn't plan on doing?
... tried doing things the way u usually wouldn't?
... wondered what life would be like if u took that turn?
... looked back in anger?
... wanted to hurt the ones u love so they could feel the same way u do?
... feared tomorrow?
... hated yourself for everything wrong you did?
... loved yourself for everything right you think you did?
... dreamt of a past that would never be?
... believed in miracles?

nothing gets done

2008-09-18T11:23:00.005+08:00

i realise that time is flying by really quickly... and i'm not getting things done.

there are many things i wanna do, but often enough when it comes to crunch time, i get lazy and i tell myself there's always next time.

after a few months, you realise that things are still left hanging and life has been pretty uneventful.

wanted to spend mid autumn festival playing with lanterns and lg but ended up didn't do anything. wanted to go rollerblading every wkend but lg hasn't bought his pair yet. wanted to go walk walk around the northern, eastern, southern parts of sg but haven't gotten around doing it yet. etc etc etc...

end up just bumming alone at home, washing clothes, sweeping floors, cleaning toilets, watching tv.

i hate my life like this. i want to be doing things and creating memories and experiencing everything life has to offer!

there is always an excuse for everything. when will what i want be first priority? sigh...

super low morale in life.

are you lonesome tonight?

2008-09-18T11:23:00.001+08:00

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

my lg is wonderful!

2008-08-11T09:13:00.002+08:00

well, i haven't been complimenting him much so i guess it's about time.

went to dinner with him and his ex-colleagues... i know he'd been really unhappy at work and missed hanging out with his ex-colleagues, so i let him drink and play and seeing that he had a lot of fun warmed my heart from the inside. unfortunately he got abit too drunk and spouted alot of promises?? heehee

next, my darling lg sort of 'surprised' me with FIR concert tickets... it was fantastic!! apart from the mid-section where we both didn't recognise all the songs... and the fact that i think he was quite sleepy already but still stood up with me and waved light sticks and put his arm around my waist while we swayed to the music... (and mister fat-in-black who was dam high haha) btw, a note to concert merchandisers: don't be so que de and sell ppl light sticks that are already running out of batteries!! grrrrrrr!

ooooh... he promised to get me a special present too! happiness! haha shall disclose when i DO get it...

went down to find heng heng at st james after that, and lg was sorta sian cos wasn't his usual gang... i dunno issit because it wasn't his usual gang so he paid more attention to me... but i enjoyed it alot! holding my hand and looking at me every once in awhile... =)

sat & sun were really peaceful... we chionged pms till i was lvl 80! (ok he chionged most of the way) and we had breakfast with my grandparents! lol ah gong and daddy sorta dropped a couple of hints (weird i tot the paternals were the ones who wouldn't let go)

last of all, he helped to pack the room and change the sheets! heehee... good job lg, ur little corner very clean liao...

^_^ love u!

you can't please everyone

2008-07-31T09:37:00.003+08:00

it's a sucky feeling when you can't please everyone. which is more impt? yourself? or them? but what's the point of pleasing yourself when u feel bad that the other party didn't get what they wanted?

eternal struggle... i know you can't make everyone happy. but you're not happy if everyone isn't. how?? y is life so difficult. =(

retail therapy

2008-07-21T12:10:00.003+08:00

it sucks being in sales... u always get scolding or ppl throw temper at you for things which u can't control. u understand that they can't help it, maybe they are frustrated or they dunno how to express themselves in a better way... but HALLO!!! u fa pi qi at me den have u ever thought about HOW I FEEL????? i think for them, who think for me? =(

it's not hard to be understanding or think from another person's pov... the hard part is the putting up with all that crap even thou you understand.

i think i'm too fragile for this line. so fragile that everytime i get hurt, i do something else to ~~treat~~ hurt myself back. it's a total lose-lose situation for me loh... =(

the holiday (2006)

2008-07-04T14:37:00.003+08:00

i only caught abit of the end... but what a sweet movie... i actually wanted to catch it while it was airing back then...

hearing iris speak these words, made my heart ache in places i never knew existed:

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

all that fuzzy stuff..... please fade away......

monday bloooooooze

2008-06-09T13:15:00.003+08:00

it's only monday. can't believe it. my weekend just flew by with me sleeping, and sleeping, and sleeping! =(

it's only monday, and im thinking about the next weekend already. what i wanna do, where i wanna go...

it's only monday, and i wan to go on a holiday! seems like everyone's taking long leaves and going places. i want to go somewhere too! but can't be selfish... lg's just started out on a new job and he needs some time to adjust and prove his worth! haiz... wait wait wait. just wanna go somewhere to hide with lg. he knows all this, so i'm waiting! hahaha

it's only monday, and i have a backlog of work already from last wk. yukS~

it's only monday.............................. WTF!?!!?!?!?!

big baby

2008-06-03T09:41:00.005+08:00

i've been feeling really stressed up at work lately, mostly due to my lack of capacity to handle demands - from superiors, colleagues, customers. most of the adults i've approached tell me this is normal; work is such; everybody faces the same problem. makes me feel like im kicking up a big fuss over nothing.

i think the difference, is some people are supposed to know more than others, and some people care more than others. those who are supposed to know more need to lead those who don't. i feel like im put in a position where i'm supposed to know more, but at this point, im leading those that know more than me. i feel rather lost.

people tell me not to think about work at the end of the day, let everything go. can someone teach me how? all these thoughts just linger all the way till the next morning. how do u switch it off? every morning i wake up feeling like i didn't sleep. i don't want to go to work, i don't want to face the world.

yet at the same time, i feel like a big baby. everyone is doing it, y can't i? am i that pampered a kid that i can't take on the world on my own? i'm sure i can if i want to. do i want to?

i'd really like to ask for help, but do i really need it? =(

sex & the city

2008-06-01T04:32:00.004+08:00

movie about love, friendship, loyalty, conviction, trust, lust, priorities. it made me laugh, it made me cry. a thought-evoking story that i'm glad i watched on such a day. made me rethink my relationship, the way i manage my emotions... invoked fear, doubt... gave me strength to know that love is not about possession. i've learnt a great deal.

it all boils down to communication. communicating thoughts, feelings, plans. being receptive to a different pov. not getting carried away with your own needs and wants, and really listening to what he has to say.

support from friends. often you'd think its the end of the world when he leaves, but there u are, still standing... your dear friends being your pillar of support. you're never alone as long as you have them.

just some random thoughts i had after the show.

***

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

birth date calculator

2008-05-26T10:15:00.003+08:00

Pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, tends to a know-all-attitude and making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humour, practical.

sounds like me? ^_^ find out about urself here!

dear pork

2008-05-23T12:05:00.002+08:00

happy birthday!! Come back soon!!!

little girl in a man's world

2008-05-16T09:09:00.004+08:00

PPE - Personal Protective Equipment

bliss

2008-05-05T09:40:00.005+08:00

CONGRATS MY DEAREST DOT!

feel so happy for you! our darling 陈老么, our youngest in the family is the first to ring wedding bells! (then again, don't forget your cai lao da, li lao er and huang lao san haven't officially approved of mr K yet so no count! =p)

haha it's not even me but i feel so excited!!!!!!! like our dear dottie has finally grown up and taken the next step into adulthood! keke hope i don't end up crying when i walk her down the aisle and pass her over to the big brown bear. hee hee

altruism

2008-05-02T11:21:00.002+08:00

friendster horoscope is freakily accurate. yuks. maybe say out liao next time not zhun le... good or bad? sometimes the advice it gives really helps me get through the day, reminding me to be watchful of myself and the things i do.

today it's misguided altruism. asking me if i really need to sacrifice anything now?

come to think of it, most of the time i jump to my own conclusions. i often feel i have to play a part in every single thing. but on hindsight, sometimes just sitting back and watching how things unfold may not be such a bad idea. getting too personally involved really blinds a person with biased emotions.

i don't think its a bad thing, to put other people's interests before your own. making little sacrifices now and then often allow you to see the bigger picture. for me, its often more of the talk than the action. but the more you talk about it, the more it becomes clearer to you, and the easier it is to take action. at least that's how it is for me. the more comfortable you are with the idea, the easier it is for you to accept the outcome in the end.

but let's be honest. we live in a selfish world. society has nurtured us in such a way that most people are self-centred subconsciously. i wouldn't say its a bad thing. in a way, it is also self-protection.

life would be much easier thou, if 2 people had the same interests. in that sense, sharing the same priorities, believing in the same beliefs and bearing the same problems. but what happens when there are conflicting interests and the needs of 1 supercedes that of the other? is there always a win-win situation or do you need to sacrifice someone?

there are so many possibilities in the world. do we have the tenacity to explore them all?

我愿意！

2008-04-24T09:58:00.008+08:00

幸福的风 -- 杨宗纬

因为我永远只能一个人生活
孤单的快乐哀愁
偶尔可以伪装潇洒
只有心里慌乱起来自己喝酒
因为你只是一个美丽的偶然
吹淋我不经意降落
谁知道你不同
谁知道你不走
拥抱著我说终于找到了我
你看穿我的轮廓
亲吻我的奋勇
不在乎我曾经的错
如果不是你的款款温柔
还以为真爱只是一个传说
请相信我的承诺
虽然有点笨拙
但我看见幸福的风
如果我把我的手放在背后
愿不愿意牵著一起走

因为你只是一个美丽的偶然
吹淋我不经意降落
谁知道你不同
谁知道你不走
拥抱著我说终于找到了我
你看穿我的轮廓
亲吻我的奋勇
不在乎我曾经的错
如果不是你的款款温柔
还以为真爱只是一个传说
请相信我的承诺
虽然有点笨拙
但我看见幸福的风
如果我把我的手放在背后
愿不愿意牵著一起走

你看穿我的轮廓
亲吻我的奋勇
不在乎我曾经的错
如果不是你的款款温柔
还以为真爱只是一个传说
请相信我的承诺
虽然有点笨拙
但我看见幸福的风
如果我把我的手放在背后
愿不愿意牵著一起走
愿不愿意牵著到最后

repetition

2008-04-10T13:23:00.003+08:00

reread and derive new meaning, the post titled "something to be read every once in awhile" feb 08

lily-livered

2008-04-02T16:22:00.005+08:00

what a cute synonym for apprehension. haha

haiz... i feel so edgy and restless. i know i have an over-active imagination, and that probably most of my fears are self-imposed. do i need a shrink?

i think i'm afraid of brutal honesty. even thou i often feel there is a need for it, i fear the repercussions of brutal honesty. maybe if i talk to a shrink, who is paid to listen to my innermost, darkest secrets and dismiss them after, i can get everything off my chest and out of my mind? i won't have to face judgment from shrink rite... does it work that way? can burden be passed on?

shit. i feel like im a nutcase lah. my keen sense of somethingness is overbearing. someone quickly invent insulators for synapses so i can block out some of my undesirable brain functions.

something is wrong with me. y make something wrong outta nothing? something is terribly wrong with me.

perhaps, a woman's intuition is too sharp for her own good? i don't wanna be persecuted for paranoia. y can't i ever be at peace with myself?

hmm?

2008-03-31T09:24:00.003+08:00

hmm...? what's this uneasy feeling i have?

feel like im in the midst of a lot of things. neither here nor there.
feel like im not knowing a lot of things. secrets, secrets everywhere.

someone shine some light on me. open up and embrace me with the truth.

look within thyself

2008-03-26T09:53:00.001+08:00

The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go.

~Martha Washington

timing

2008-03-12T15:52:00.004+08:00

how does one achieve perfect timing? does it come with experience? do you need 2 hands to clap, 2 feet to dance? how do you perfect a dance without ever stepping on your partner's toes?

one little step forward, one big step back. how do you ever get to the finishing move? if you miss your move and the song runs out, do you get a second chance? do you slam the keyboard and uninstall the game, or press start and challenge those moves again?

will there come a time when u are able to predict every key and stroke, and lose interest in the game entirely? or will those lovely melodies always perk you up and bring joy when you play?

or are you the unlucky sort, who crave a game and bump into 'urgent server maintenance'?

life is so unpredictable, yet many things are just flowing along in vicious cycles which make outcomes so predictable. when will it ever stop? can it even stop? is it so hard to see past our petty differences and hold on to whatever is dear?

spoof

2008-03-05T19:42:00.001+08:00

some joker.

开花

2008-03-04T11:50:00.003+08:00

i'm starting to see little buds bloom into exquisite flowers. flowers that are uniquely mine. :) thank you for helping me groom my little garden. i am contented.

something to be read every once in a while

2008-02-20T14:09:00.005+08:00

10 Steps To Happy Ever After, By Slade Hartwell

Do you know what all happy and healthy marriages have in common? In every one of them you will find two people committed to making each other happy. You will find a man who cherishes his wife and puts her needs above his own, and you will find a wife who respects and trusts her man. We live in very selfish times. Pop-psychology messages are everywhere in the media encouraging us to love ourselves, do right by ourselves, and generally please ourselves first. If you really want a happy marriage, don’t buy into that type of self-centered thinking. Instead, try these 10 time-tested techniques and experience the happiness, peace, and tranquility of a healthy marriage.

1. Make time for each other. It’s so easy in our hyper-busy modern lifestyles to forget to set aside a little time to enjoy each other’s company. Start a weekly tradition of setting a date for the two of you to be together doing something you both enjoy. Keep it simple. Take a nice walk together. Sip coffee together in a cozy coffeehouse. Talk to each other, reminisce, and get to know each other again.

2. Take time off from each other. Give each other space and time to work on hobbies and personal interests. When you have an interesting project to work on, you will feel more fulfilled and you will be a more interesting person.

3. Make little romantic gestures. Remember to compliment your spouse. Leave a little love note for them to find once in awhile. Celebrate the day you first met. Send flowers for no particular reason. You should continuously make little deposits in your spouse’s emotional bank account. The return on your investment will be incredible.

4. Fight fair. Don’t argue in front of other people. Don’t insult each other or each other’s families. Never threaten divorce, and never go to bed angry. Let the little things go, and don’t make a big deal out of every disagreement. Before arguing, think; is this really going to matter in the long run?

5. Take interest in what interests your spouse. Watch their favorite shows with them. Read their favorite book, so you can talk about it with them. Encourage them to develop their talents.

6. Listen to your spouse. Husbands, remember that women need to express their feelings. Be a good sport and just listen. Don’t interrupt, or get distracted. Empathize with her. Let her know that you can relate to what she’s feeling. Ladies, please remember that the kind of talk you might like to have with your husband does not come naturally to most men. Just be patient. It’s not a good idea to “unload” on him right when he comes home from work.

7. Accept your spouse for who they are. Practice total acceptance. Don’t hold your spouse to your expectations; you will only succeed at building resentment.

8. Express your commitment. In little ways, you can, and should, renew your vows to each other over and over. Your spouse will feel comfortable and secure knowing that you are truly committed to the marriage. True closeness will only happen when all doubt and insecurity is replaced by confidence in the relationship. Let your spouse know that you really are in it “till death do us part.”

9. Trust in each other. Don’t be suspicious. Don’t snoop through each other’s belongings. To help ensure the trust, be honest with your spouse in all things. Never keep secrets from each other, not even little ones.

10. Make it your aim to be your spouse’s best friend. Appreciate your spouse for who they are. Loosen up and have fun with each other. If you are practicing the steps above, you are on your way to being your spouse’s best friend – the ultimate relationship in marriage.

good omen?

2008-02-15T09:16:00.005+08:00

after a crappy xmas, couldnt-be-worse new year's, nothing-to-brag-about lny, finally! a good omen! a peaceful, sickly valentine's day! :) i noticed the patterns... we ~~celebrated~~ spent it together, alone.

stepping out

2008-02-05T11:15:00.000+08:00

There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.

~Richard Bach

Be brave, because you are not alone. We're in this together. Avoiding pain now, only makes the hurt more intense when you face it in the end. I'm here to share the burden. let us face it, hand in hand, one step at a time.

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise.

~Richard Bach

back to nature

2008-02-05T08:47:00.000+08:00

last sunday, lg brought me on a hiking trip. apparently, there's a trail behind railway mall that leads up to a quarry where he used to play back in his younger days. and somehow or other, the dirt tracks lead up to bukit timah hill. sibei ulu place.

we couldn't even find the entrance. we hiked up from the train tracks, stepping on gravel and seeing leftovers of what i would guess were prayers (cos of the orange wa1 kuei4(s) littered all over) walking ever deeper into grass growing way pass ankle-height, all i could do was glare at my feet to make sure i wasn't trampling on snails or snakes. lg kept saying to me, "nice hor? this is what nature is like." who had the blardy time to look at nature??!

finally we found a road.............. that seemed like it led to nowhere.

turns out, we really found several markings/posts with the national parks logo. o.o we did find the quarry, but were on the wrong end of it. turned back soon after. was an interesting experience. heh

this is probably my last post till after the lunar new year. was late for xmas and new yr's, so here's an early " 新年快乐！" to everyone out there!!!

my magic carpet ride

2008-01-22T15:21:00.001+08:00

usually, i'll be depressed on my birthday. had been the case for the past few years. this year, i'm exceptionally HAPPY~

haha can't contain my haIRpeEEEnessSSSsSSSssSSSss!

why you ask?

ta daah~~~

ta tah rahhhhh~~~~

ta ta ta tahh ta rahhhhhh~~~~~

heehee, spent my 1/4 century birthday with my bestest friends and my loved ones! thanks to all who remembered and to those who forgot, i shall forgive u if u get me a belated present. :D

my quarter of a century birthday present

2008-01-16T15:49:00.000+08:00

you only get to be a quarter of a century old once in your life. so i thought, i'd give myself a special present this year...

i'm gonna quit smoking for good.

yes you all heard me. and i'll prove it to u! i'm gonna put aside my smoking money and by the end of the year i'll probably be able to get myself an LV bag of MY OWN. muahahaHAHAhahahaHAHAhahaha.

i mean it.

if only

2008-01-15T09:00:00.000+08:00

if only......

i knew what i was doing
things could have turned out differently
it didn't take 1 big circle for me to comprehend
emotional scars faded with time
things could go back the way they used to be
people could still be like they used to be
the watch he's crazy about now is the one i was going to get him
i didn't have to feel this way everyday

if only......

the promise

2008-01-07T13:44:00.000+08:00

"really miss & love you too my dear. thank you for appearing in my life and make it become so wonderful. you really make my life perfect. i will always love you and i hope that the hand i am holding to cross the road when i am 70 yr old... is you. thanks for everything that you have done for me... thanks for the effort and love you have given me... i promise i will always be there to share your sorrow... to celebrate your happinese... to catch you when you fall... to carry you when cant walk, to be your eyes when u got lao hua yan... to listen for you when your hearing fails... to help you scold ppl when ur voice are not tat loud anymore... and i promise... i will walk beside you till the end of our road when we are old, holding you tightly... without ever letting go.... i love you."

dreams vs reality

2008-01-07T09:04:00.000+08:00

lately, i've been getting these dreams everytime i slept, be it day or night. i wouldn't say they repeat, but the main theme is recurrent. it's about a room that i live in. (pork pork, would it then be interpreted as my 'world' or my life? heh) and the plots are greatly disturbing, so much so that i'm afraid of going to sleep.

the characters in my dreams, they seem to really understand me (probably cos i made them up yeah) and fully appreciate the things i do. their conversations, actions, intentions all had me in mind, and it felt terribly relieving. sometimes i stir from my sleep and force my eyes close just to relive those moments of content.

but when i wake up, i feel bouts of guilt. i don't dare to sleep at night cos i don't wanna wake up the next morning. i don't dare to dream cos it only makes me feel less grateful of what i already have.

before i rest at night, i remind myself of what i've gone through to get to this day and recall the very reasons and objectives that i've pursued thus far. but have i achieved them in their truest sense, or have i twisted the truth to match my wishes? are these dreams a reflection of my innermost desires, or just a mirror into my greed?

i just want a good night's rest.

2008 already!

2008-01-03T11:34:00.000+08:00

i am 3 days late but happy 2008 to all my dear friends! 07 has been a hectic year but hey, we've all survived it!

oh ya... its january liao......................... january's a special bubbly month unoe............................................................... ^_______________^

maybe it's time i update my wishlist. heehee

i hate my xmas but i love the present

2007-12-26T09:48:00.000+08:00

dang dang dang dang~~~~~

love the fact that you remembered what i wanted. hated the way things led up till the actual giving of the present, but at least it all ended on a good note. ^_^ it's really very pretty! (still despise the brand thou. next time, take me along to choose ya? hahaha)

love you.

today is our valentine's day

2007-12-24T12:24:00.001+08:00

well, yes im still NOT doing any work. i REFUSE to be productive today. ^_^

anyhow, this is the xmas pressie i got for lg...

he's always saying how good fish sounds, so i thought, would be nice to gift a great experience this xmas. both of us haven't been to a concert b4, so i figured it would be a lovely first xmas celebration together. (i sorta hoped we would be able to spend a quiet xmas eve together, countdown and cuddle and the works... but hey im shan't be too greedy... at least we'll be together, plus alot of other ppl =p) belated, but still... heh. i planned to blindfold him and drive him all the way to the indoor stadium. but aiya... i suck at keeping surprises a secret. heehee. hope you like it my love!

~爱真的需要勇气来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定我的爱就有意义~

deck the halls!

2007-12-24T12:06:00.000+08:00

stupid song that keeps ringing in my head... *sung to the tune of deck the halls

deck the halls with baths of bubbles
fa lalalalala lalalala
tis the time to play with bubbles
fa lalalalala lalalala

don me now my bubbly white heels
fa lala lalala la la la
sing this song with words so bubbly
fa lalalala la la la la~~~~~~~~

heehee... sibei bored in office. ZERO productivity today.

horoscopes again

2007-12-24T12:05:00.000+08:00

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in
long-term relationships. Can be clumbsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy, and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when their not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets (in this case i think it means u lg) usually more then their familiy. Can be VERY irritating to others (this could mean u too haha) when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

LIBRA - The Lame One

Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying... Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times.

how true, how true...

criticism

2007-12-18T13:11:00.000+08:00

"any fool can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."

~Dale Carnegie

i have to learn the art of making a hamburger. bun: compliment; meat patty: constructive criticism; bun: compliment.

not an easy task for me as i have always been a very mean person. compliments don't come naturally from me and i don't always see the better side of people. i have to learn to OPEN MY EYES and of course my heart; to be less cynical and appreciate the goodness in humanity. people are not fat, just horizontally challenged; people are not stupid, just underexposed; people are not evil; they just hold different beliefs. i am not a mean girl; i just don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

it hurts to admit this, of course it stings even more when a loved one told u this... but recognise the fact that they were trying to help you overcome your shortcomings, not condemning you. discover the consistency of their actions and you will realise you have been enlightened.

thank you.

true colours

2007-12-04T13:52:00.000+08:00

bubbles is depressed. she feels misunderstood. bubbles is willing to do alot of things for you, and she is sure you are willing to go out of the way to do things for her... but now u say all that because bubbles hasn't put u in the spot where u had to sacrifice smtg that's important. bubbles has only needed u to help out when she knew u could. and whenever bubbles could she offered u her services... don't you remember?

but she's really hurt now because u take her for granted and make her feel so lousy about herself. she wasn't trying to make things difficult for you, she just had to consider other factors as well... yes, 很多事情，心里明白就好。。。不过我们明白的事情一致吗？真的需要伤害对方吗？

u don't see a person's true colours when u are happy together... it's only when faced with troubled waters that the fox's tail appears.

understanding me

2007-11-29T13:22:00.000+08:00

"i know you that you believe you understand what you think i said, but i'm not sure u realize what you heard is not what i meant"
~Robert McCloskey

been both happy and bothered recently. emotional rollercoaster i would say... sometimes even if you do tell someone how you feel, even if someone does try to listen, they may not hear what you mean. to me, it is impossible for 2 people who have lived 2 separate lives to fully understand how the other feels or thinks. you can empathise, sympathise, watever-thise but paths both of you take to come to the same conclusion greatly differs. personal experiences play impt roles in deciding how an individual drives his/her train of thought. no 2 individuals can experience the same events all their lives and even if they could, no 2 individuals can react the same way for every experience or event. i feel like im going on a merry-go-round here.

would love to thank joan for being so understanding (partly due to the fact that she is so bluuuuuuuuur, god help me knock some sense into her) and i hope she does find someone who loves her wholeheartedly for who she is.

would love to thank dot for her textbookish legal advice, for being so sweet as usual and for being the orange bear with a stick up its arse. heehee

would love to thank pwaaaAAAAaaaarh (lips lips lips... heee private joke) for always lending me a listening ear and ying xiu-ing me even thou she must be terribly busy... taking all my nonsense all this while and giving me the support i need.

would lastly love to thank mr neo aka tHe cow for being so kind and empathetic... for once i feel he is not only full of shit, but also really.... hmmmm.... human? heehee... thanks pal

i feel grateful for the friends i have around me. really. love like you've never been hurt before, and live every day like it's your last. (that's y i have to tell you all how much i love you in case i'm not around anymore tmr!)

muax

little note of appreciation

2007-11-19T10:07:00.000+08:00

this post is inspired by kenny sia's latest entry "Harmony is overrated". kenny talks about guys becoming lazy and girls becoming irritable... but the key to any fight is how u resolve it. do u make or break the relationship?

just reading it made me recall lg's comment about how soft we've both become... heehee i appreciate the softness my dear, and i hope we can be fluffy and puffy and marshmellowie forever and ever!

big hugz to you my dearest lg!

The Love Bank

2007-11-15T09:44:00.000+08:00

i can't help breaking down into sobs everytime the topic of marriage pops up recently. was i too touched or maybe too envious of happy newly weds? or am i of that age where women fret being left on the shelf?

while google-ing for possible reasons for my sudden outbursts, i stumbled upon this website called Marriage Builders, and it shed new light on my perspective to relationships. i like the way Dr. Harley analogised keeping marriages alive by maintaining a Love Bank.

Basically, when a couple opens a Love Bank account, they must strive to make large love deposits into the account while minimising love withdrawals. Dr. Harley helps to identify what type of deposits are significant and what type behaviours and situations lead to withdrawals. (sheesh i feel like i'm advertising haha)

in particular, the concepts of 'instincts and habits', 'the most important emotional needs', 'the policy of undivided attention' and 'love busters' made most sense to me. ~to my dearest lg, please spend some time reading these instead of SPI... they won't scare your pants off :p ~

couple of excerpts -

"In marriage, one of our most destructive behaviors is an angry outbursts, where we intentionally try to hurt our spouse, causing massive Love Bank withdrawals. But it's something we do naturally -- it's instinctive.

Instincts and habits, such as angry outbursts, are often inappropriate. They may have been created as valid solutions to certain problems, but many are unsuitable for other problems that trigger them anyway. This is where our intelligence comes in handy. We can actually eliminate certain habits when we discover that they are ineffective in solving certain problems, and we can substitute effective habits."

"What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration.

But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage."

"The Policy of Undivided Attention:
Give your spouse your undivided attention
a minimum of fifteen hours each week,
using the time to meet his or her
most important emotional needs." - this, my dear lg, you have to read in-depth to understand. click on the link above!

"the six love busters are: selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, angry outbursts, annoying habits, independent behaviour and dishonesty."

i think this site makes a good weekend read. there's always room for enrichment don't you think? (my hint couldn't be more obvious aye? heehee)

breastfed

2007-11-15T09:24:00.000+08:00

this is my daughter after being breastfed by her dad.

jealous pot

2007-11-01T14:03:00.000+08:00

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
~ William Penn

Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know she is being perceived as a threat.

Jealousy creates anger, anxiety, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous. I am guilty of this.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.

No one wants a jealous partner and no one likes to be jealous. But why, after so many ordeals, can't jealousy be contained?

Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person, and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them.
~ L. Ron Hubbard

Does insecurity stem from the relationship or oneself?

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do no have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn on the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into buiding your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.
~ Jennifer James

Jealousy damages love when jealous feelings get out of proportion. For example, when a man makes an embarrassing scene at a party because his wife accepts an invitation to dance with an old friend, or when a woman is overwhelmed with jealousy because her husband's company appoints a female boss.

These kinds of reaction can put a huge strain on a relationship, leaving the other partner feeling as though they're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid a jealous reaction. The jealous partner, often aware of their problem, swings between self-blame and justification.

Overcoming jealousy takes patience and hard work.

Give yourself a reality check - take a good look at those things that trigger your jealousy and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? And is your behaviour actually making the situation worse?

Use positive self-talk - when you start feeling the twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you, is committed to you and respects you. Tell yourself you're a loveable person and that nothing's going on.

Seek reassurance - one of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don't nag or bully, but rather share your insecurities and ask them to help you overcome the problem.

Living with a jealous partner requires patience and hard work as well. There simple methods, which require care and understanding, to ease the tension.

Think of the problem in a different way - remember that jealousy is a sign of love. If your partner didn't value your relationship, you wouldn't be having this problem. Rather than becoming defensive, try to be understanding and supportive.

Check your behaviour - if you know that certain behaviours trigger your partner's jealousy, change them if you can if only until the problem has been overcome. Be sure to stick to any agreements you've made, too, but avoid making promises you'll find difficult to keep, such as always being contactable.

Build your partner's confidence - be sure to take every opportunity to tell your partner how much you love them and why you wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Give lots of compliments and talk about the wonderful future you're looking forward to spending with them.

Remember that jealousy with a pinch of salt can help spice up a relationship. Too much on the other hand, can be hazardous to health!

my guy

2007-10-25T10:04:00.000+08:00

Physical Appearance

taller than me
lean and mean (at least used to be)
fierce eyes with retractable double eyelids
goofy smile
round 有福气 face
long arms that wrap around me perfectly
soft padded ~~paws~~ palms which are lovely to squish
越久越耐看-look that i absolutely adore

Character & Personality

simple-minded
~~silly~~ humourous
generous
chivalrous
ambitious (even thou it's in his dreams =p)
loving
supportive
forgiving
kind
hot-headed at times but always sorry in the end
not afraid to learn
willingness to change

wait a minute...... this is my blog! y are all my posts about him?!?! >.< cos lg is my life!

crazy long expensive weekend

2007-10-23T16:55:00.000+08:00

finally! managed to scrape thru the bf's birthday weekend alive! (much poorer thou) recap of how i celebrated his 27th:

made him an A4 size cross stitch that is also half of his 6th month pressie, which is pending frame-up (decided the pillow option would be too dirty)
baked him a lot of 20 chocolate chip muffins, of which i think 10 are still left sitting in the tupperware
ambushed him in JE while he was having drinks with his colleagues and dragged him home to blow out his birthday muffin
we got locked in the living room and spent $50 to get ourselves unlocked
went ecp to blade and disappointed him cos i didn't fall while blading
pleasantly surprised him cos i fell while taking my blades off in front of an audience
took him to siamese fins for an expensive meal (first time i paid for my own sharksfin)
treated him to watch 'superbad' - Gold Class style. woooo~ shiok man the recliner seats

hope you liked the experience my love!

the next day, i spent a whopping $555 on my hair! now i have purple/black, long/short hair! hahaha... wanted to do a jolin tsai... turned up a bubbles cai!

and then the next day, i brought xiao hei for servicing... $277. stupid mitsubishi brake pads. and after that, another 200plus on shopping.

dammit... no more excursions till i get my bonus. yes u heard me right. no more spending till I GET MY BONUS!

friends are forever

2007-10-12T10:20:00.000+08:00

Dear candy; dot; pawr,

for the record, there's no order of preference, alphabetical to be fair cos i love u 3 SOOOOOOOOO MUCH! ^_^ *one big bear hug each*

thank you girls for the support and care you've showered on lousy babu the past few days... i know you all just wish for me to be happy, because babu wishes the same for all of u too! although this will definitely not be the last time i need u all by my side, i hope the next time, it'll be for celebration. (dot i'll get u a piece of really good chocolate cake k? ;) )

thanks to pawrpawr for always being the first to rush down to babu's aid. for that... *muax*
thanks to candy for sending me safely home, holding my hair while i puked and steam ironing my office wear. for that... *muax*
thanks to dot for allowing babu to wear the da-pai-enuff-to-make-lawyer-dot-come-down crown. for that... *muax*

be mine forever!

p.s. small thanks to pb as well for letting me ba zhan pawr last 2 nites... hehe and thank you for making it down and (yes althou it was cos u wanted to put smtg in the boot or u wanted me off ur car b4 i started to puke) opening the door for babu. heehee

imperfect ending

2007-10-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

after spending so much time and effort, it's left incomplete.
life is such sometimes......

would you?

2007-10-08T08:56:00.000+08:00

sage: every girl dreams that one day
she will find a guy that does these things for
her. even the smallest action can have
the BIGGEST impact in someones life.

give her one of your t-shirts to
sleep in.
leave her cute text notes.
kiss her in front of your friends.
tell her she looks beautiful.
look into her eyes when you talk to
her.
let her mess with your hair.
touch her hair.
just walk around with her.
FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES.
look at her like she's the only girl
you see.
tickle her even when she says stop.
hold her hand when you're around your
friends.
when she starts swearing at you, tell
her you love her.
let her fall asleep in your arms.
get her mad, then kiss her.
stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything
tease her and let her tease you back.
stay up all night with her when she's
sick.
watch her favorite movie with her.
kiss her forehead.
give her the world.
let her wear your clothes.
when she's sad, hang out with her.
let her know she's important.
kiss her in the pouring rain.
when you fall in love with her, tell
her.
and when you tell her, love her like
you've never loved someone before.

do you know?

2007-10-06T23:17:00.001+08:00

do you know how much i have done for you? have you any idea how much heart and soul i put into this? do you know how much damaged you've done to me?

i dunno if you appreciate all the things i've done for you. i don't even think you've ever put yourself in my shoes.

where are you when i need you? even thou we are physically together everyday, do you really know how i feel? do you feel lost when i'm not around? are you worried if you can't find me? do we even connect? do you even care?

i miss being drunk. i miss the relief it brings.

i hate being all alone here in the room with negative thoughts in my head.

i hate it all.

forget it

2007-10-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

forget about the stupid fucking present le lah. spare me a few minutes during ur stupid mahjong game also cannot. cannot multi-task issit? cannot listen to me for 2 seconds issit. i hope u lost badly. hmph. i think i hate u!

good now i have no aircon no hubby and lots of negative energy!!!!!!!!

space

2007-10-06T14:09:00.000+08:00

i think im selfish a lot of times. i tend to not allow personal space. well, for myself, i don't have to want personal space... i'm often thrown unwillingly into solitude so i don't get a choice. maybe that's y if i could choose, i would want to my lg with me every single minute. maybe im suffocating him... as i have done to many guys b4 him.

why liddat huh. i dunno also... leave me alone and i have no idea what to do with all that time.

i spent the whole week preparing a present for him... cos its our 1/2 yr anniversary on monday! we were both planning to take leave on monday, unfortunately his group manager Mr Chua (who could possibly be my long-lost-very-distant relative) decided to drop by the office so lg had to cancel his leave. i hope u know how upset i am Mr Chua, and you will be in my curses for a prolonged period of time.

anyway, this present caused me neck-aches/shoulder-aches/bouts of grumpiness due to all the aches. sorry lg for my moodiness yesterday... you were out all day and i was rushing the present and talking to u on the phone at the same time. it's hard you know, kiap-ing the phone the whole time... head very the pain but can't tell u why...... anyhow i hope u like it. i kena suan in office by boss cos of it loh... haiz...

i hope the aircon uncle hurries up! i need to send my pressie down to jp for finishing touches... oh... my stupid aircon is throwing tantrums. y?!?!?! when the weather is SOOOOO BAD. irritating... haha sorta like me aye? >.<

i love you sooo much

2007-09-24T09:59:00.000+08:00

To my most beloved 老公

You have so many things no one else will ever have.
You have all my love ~ now and forever.
You have my admiration ~ for being such an incredibly precious person.
You have my unending gratitude ~ for the way you brighten my life.
You have my hopes ~ all gently hoping you know how glad i am that you warmed my world and touched my very soul.

You have my every affection.
You have my desires and dreams.
You even have things there are no words for.
You have whispered words that belong to you, thoughts you have inspired, and blessings that have touched the deepest part of my heart.
You have the most beautiful wishes the stars and i can wish, and my prayer that someday i'll be able to thank you for all this.

You have a standing invitation to share the days with me ~ and to be the one and only person who holds the key to my happiness.
You have arms i want around me, eyes i want to lose myself in, and a joy in your voice that i could listen to forever.

You have empty pages in the story of your life ~ pages i'd like us to write together... filling them with memories we'll make and stories that will travel beside us and carry us over whatever comes along.

You have my sweet appreciation ~ for taking my smiles places that my heart has only dreamed of.

And you'll always have me, my "thank-God-for-you" feelings, and soooo much love.

From 老婆 who will love you forever till the end of time

from this day till forever

2007-09-20T14:40:00.001+08:00

ying & wei

2007.4.8

cheeky monkey

2007-09-19T09:10:00.000+08:00

thank you lg! cheeky monkey's happily sitting by me now... budden... super irritating la i can't see his face... y don't cup designers give a dam about lefties huh? discrimination!!!!!

and yes dear, the hunny's exceptionally sweeeet. ^_^

As for his secret to staying married: "My wife tells me that if I ever
decide to leave, she is coming with me."

-Jon BonJovi

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

~Author Unknown

that was so sweet!

2007-09-12T09:00:00.000+08:00

dear tmt, dunno if u still read my blog... happened to browse by urs yesterday and read about ur 35th anniversary... congrats! so long le and still going strong! heehee... well, the thing that prompted this entry was how envious i am of ur man (our dear leader of the LWTs, LBSD) haha. i mean on the outside, he looks squarish and block-headeddish and spongebobbish... but his acts of tenderness and sensitivity pleasantly surprised me. haha... u lucky girl! i hope the 2 of you will xiang qin xiang ai, bai tou dao lao lao! (btw u still haven't baked me any of the tasty cakes/cookies/snacks... i'm still in line for testing!)

my sentiments exactly...

2007-09-11T13:31:00.000+08:00

Everyday we tell ourselves we're better off without each other,
B ut then every morning I wake up and realize
I love you more then the day before.

i was born on a cusp

2007-09-10T10:17:00.000+08:00

Were you Born on a CUSP? a cusp is like the boundary between 2 zodiac signs. notice how sometimes certain magazines define the start of Aquarius on the 19th while some say it begins on the 21st? apparently, the capricon/aquarius cusp stretches btn jan 19 - jan 23. well, supposedly people born on cusps inherit energy from both signs.

Capricorn/Aquarius
January 19 to January 23

Capricorn is the tenth sign of the Zodiac; Aquarius is the 11th sign. Those born on the Capricorn/Aquarius cusp are involved with and interested in social institutions. They want to make them work as they were meant to work. They are humanitarians and philanthropists, the visionaries of the Zodiac. Friendship is important to them, and they have many acquaintances, in addition to their close friends. These people are also ambitious and disciplined, determined and dedicated to achieving their goals. They are practical, realistic and cautious not to get in over their heads.

The astrological symbol of Capricorn is the Sea Goat. They start from the sea and ascend to the highest mountain tops, working their way upward with every step. While the path is not always smooth, their determination to succeed ensures they will persevere. The astrological symbol of Aquarius is the Water Bearer. Like the Bearer bringing water to his people, this sign brings new ideas to the world. It represents consciousness and the flowing of ideas. Capricorn/Aquarians work hard to bring their ideas to fruition, stubbornly refusing to give up their causes. This may appear as a Capricorn trait, but it is actually representative of the fixed quality of Aquarius. The cardinal quality of Capricorn is seen in their ambition and their willingness to embark on new projects. These people are independent and individualistic, within the world but detached from it. While they are peace-loving and friendly, they can be narrow-minded and overcritical of those not as ambitious as they are.

Capricorn is ruled by the planet Saturn. In ancient Roman mythology, Saturn (and his Greek equivalent, Cronus) was the father of many of the gods, including Zeus. Saturn is about discipline, hard work and responsibility. It rules both Capricorn and Aquarius; Capricorn is the feminine, or night aspect, and Aquarius is the masculine, or day aspect. Both signs are concerned with achieving goals through hard work, but Aquarians work hard to achieve their visions, while Capricorns use hard work to gain authority and social status. When the planet Uranus was discovered, astrologers assigned it as the modern ruler of Aquarius. It is from this planet that Aquarians receive their visionary nature. Uranus is associated with progress and technology -- anything that is radical -- and it rules electricity and astrology. Some Aquarians have genius that borders on insanity, and their progressive ideas and association with anything that is different makes them dissimilar from Capricorn. Although Capricorn/Aquarians are powerfully influenced by both Uranus and Saturn. Those born on this cusp are both unpredictable and unconventional, while being interested in upholding tradition and conservative belief systems.

The element associated with Capricorn is Earth. Earth Signs are practical: they tend to respond to the world through practicality. The element associated with Aquarius is Air. Air Signs are intellectual: they tend to respond to the world through intellect. Capricorn/Aquarius has fixed opinions and is eager to share and discuss them. While those born on this cusp are tolerant and broad-minded, they tend to stick to their beliefs. Their intellect makes them logical and self-confident, but it may also make them aloof from the people around them. They are original, offbeat and even eccentric, but they are also rather bored by detail. They are often business-oriented and can be extremely scrupulous. Reformist and experimental, they may also seem cold toward anyone who doesn't share their intellectual orientation to life.

Capricorn/Aquarians are among the responsible and traditional sign combinations. They are generally reserved, careful and stable. Sometimes they may be overly critical, even bossy, but this is because they have a strong desire to achieve their goals, not because they are rude. In fact, they are generally polite because they understand that making enemies will not help them achieve anything in life. They tend to be multitalented, both in scientific and creative endeavors. They are unique and rebellious, driven to change the world. Their freedom is important to them, and they are often driven to help others become free as well.

In their leisure time, Capricorn/Aquarians enjoy competition with others. They enjoy both team sports and one-on-one competition. They are quite the social animals and often have a fondness for conversation, as long as it has intellectual depth and meaning. The great strength of the Capricorn/Aquarius is in their ability to set goals and keep working until they achieve them. Their ambition is inexhaustible, and they are not easily deterred when their goals are in sight. Their visionary nature makes them people who take the world to the next level; they make others see things in a new light. Their ability to break the rules and move beyond what others think is possible makes them one of the most innovative and hard working characters of the zodiac.

i...

2007-09-08T04:46:00.000+08:00

i need to understand that being alone does not mean it's the end of the world.

i need to understand that being alone does not mean i cannot accomplish anything.

i need to understand that being alone doest not mean fear.

i need to understand that being alone means i have a chance to grow up.

i need to understand that being alone means i have certain responsibilities to uphold.

i need to understand that being alone means i need to see the bigger picture.

i need to understand that being alone means i have to set my own pace.

i need to understand that being alone means i must learn to make my own decisions.

i need to understand that being alone means living for myself.

i need to understand that being alone does not mean i'm a failure.

i need to understand that it is okay to be alone.

i need to understand that i can survive on my own.

i need to understand all these.

i need to be stronger.

i need to move on.

me a poet??

2007-09-07T09:41:00.001+08:00

波涛汹涌识鸳鸯，
细水长流度今生。

一国两治三地游

2007-09-05T09:36:00.000+08:00

observations about hongkong:

the place is so hot because all the buildings are so tall, squashed together, and use so much glass on their surfaces causing reflection/refraction/re-whatever
the pace of life is so fast, the people there walk around like they've got a stampede of wild bulls on their backs
the level of customer service far surpasses singapore. even in the little shops
no you don't get to see celebrities all over (except plastered on walls and billboards)
there are aLOT of ang mohs
does not smell as good as singapore
it is much prettier at night

observations about zhuhai

the town planning is similar to singapore's (i heard the mayor or watever u call the town leader person wants to model zhuhai in terms of sg)
it will look superb probably 5-10 yrs down the road
level of customer service also much better than singapore
is within walking distance of macau
does not smell as good as singapore
not as pretty as hk at night

observations about macau

where all the current casinos are, all squashed up.
where the new casinos will be, super grand
the venetian is tooo huge to be photographed
there are tooooo many shops
some chinese are toooooo rich
there are alot of 1/2 angmohs (or do u call them pan-asians?) there
does not smell as good as singapore
quite pretty at night

in conclusion, singapore is the best-smelling country i know of. i love how you smell sg...

All hail District Judge Earnest Lau

2007-08-27T15:25:00.000+08:00

yeah baby! u da best! District Judge Earnest Lau, u da man!

dear readers, please join in the xedo petition. u can access it thru the little bar beneath my flashbox.

Join the Odex Rebellion!

2007-08-19T10:37:00.000+08:00

Wear the BLACK RIBBON on 24th/25th August!

life is about the choices you make

2007-08-15T09:31:00.000+08:00

i feel rather cheated. after several occasions of bugging my boss, i finally realise that... it is quite impossible for me to move anywhere in this company. he has subtly yet almost obviously indicated this impossibility. so, after this year's bonus, it's time to move on. or so i plan...

with almost zilch corporate experience, moderate amounts of political skill, and loads of how-to-while-your-day-away ideas gained, i now have to decide what sort of skill(s) to input into my soon-to-be-malfunctioning-brain which could help me in future purposeful undertakings. since practically nothing corporate interests me, i have narrowed down the choice to 2 - further my japanese studies or break into cosmetology (haha in layman's terms go learn to be a beautician).

due to the fact that i possess keen fondness toward japanese culture, and also because it was the ONLY enjoyable module i had in NUS (and the ONLY one i actually flipped thru texts and did homework for =.=) and since most ppl say i look jappy, why not really BE jappy? haha.

choice #2 is take up cosmetology. i do enjoy squeezing pimples and plucking hair (i can't stop till i've bloodied up the whole face) and even mani/pedi. hell i believe the theoretical portions of the course won't even break me a sweat. the anatomy of the human face... BAH~! how to 难倒 someone who got A1 for biology without even studying for it... (sibei tyco... sidetrack abit... for those who know me long enuff, remember how i screwed up my chem and bio O lvl dates... wanted to give up bio and pia chem but turned up for my chem paper holding my bio text. sheesh) unfortunately, performing these tasks leisurely VS for my ricebowl makes a great deal offa difference. but mummy has a friend who's willing to teach me... highly sought after by the rich taitais of HK... quite a good deal hor...

ends up, i've decided to pursue my JLPT 3 cert end of this yr... first... we'll see how later... i might get distracted halfway again... such is me... =p

slam dunked!

2007-08-13T11:34:00.000+08:00

had a quick game of bball with lg yesterday... oKAY la... u look shuai when u play la, happy? heeheee... (minus the fact that when u run around ur chubby cheeks bounce up and down as well)

yea... i miss playing netball and i miss my favourite P.E. classes! i was never one who'd feign illness to skip P.E. haha

i think it's time... time to start an exercise regime! dammit less than half an hour of not running around the court gave me aching quads... weak. my almost-brand-new-and-quite-expensive blades are just rotting away in the boot of my car... time to take them out to air le hor? and nono i refuse to go blading with u lg... PAWR! GO WITH ME! budden i'd probably have a hard time catching up with u. heh

time to sit down and draw up a plan... and this time, NIKE! (in other words, just do it.)

cliched but it makes sense

2007-08-01T12:30:00.000+08:00

excerpts from Dr. Phil.com -

Learn to trust again — by trusting yourself. Dr. Phil tells a man who's having a hard time letting women back into his life: "Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections." Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next. If you're playing the game with sweaty palms, it's because you're afraid of what you can or can't do, or dealing with your own imperfections — it's not about the other person.

Know that you will get hurt if you're in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He's going to hurt your feelings. He's going to say things that you don't want him to say. He's going to do things you wish he wouldn't do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ''I'd rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone." If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.

punctured ego

2007-08-01T09:14:00.000+08:00

i am a horrible person. i never learn from my mistakes. yes, i ache and torment myself when i do something wrong. but, when things are all better, it's as though they've never happened. how come i am able to accomplish such amnesiatic feats?

i'm sorry i punctured ur ego.

RUINED!

2007-07-23T14:02:00.000+08:00

i was excitedly reading harry potter and the deathly hallows when my cfo waltzed into my office and BLURTED OUT THE ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my world instantly plunged into darkness.

immient danger

2007-07-18T14:09:00.000+08:00

ever felt like things were going so smoothly that, something wrong is gonna happen? ever felt like everything is just right, so right that there's nothing left to do? when that happens, do u feel like ure life is gonna end?

i dunno... yesterday while driving to work, i was crossing this junction and all of a sudden, i had a feeling i was gonna be rammed into by some truck. i felt the angel of death hover above me.

then i recall the recent passing of a young taiwanese celebrity 许玮伦 on Jan 28th； how she was holding on to a magazine on that unfateful day, turned to a page featuring the movie DEATH NOTE, which mentioned a character who died on Jan 28th; how coincidental that on page 128 in a book she published earlier, she talked about what if she were to leave the world first. is life and death predestined? i believe so.

but wait...

I CAN'T DIE YET! I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS! HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS IS COMING ON SATURDAY!

Harry Potter OOTP ROCKS!

2007-07-12T14:50:00.000+08:00

Five things Women should know

2007-07-10T10:35:00.000+08:00

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

material vs immaterial love

2007-07-09T16:49:00.000+08:00

my mummy has a good friend, who chose her husband based on compatability.

this lady is fun-loving, trustworthy and loyal. she has foresight when it comes to men. she selected her husband, based on the fact he was able to provide her with a comfortable life. she on the other hand, was able to bring joy and i would say "entertainment" to his life. when they started dating, she lay down her conditions: she didn't want to work after marriage, she needed a maid to do the chores... she wanted a "tai tai-life". he proposed to her a couple of months after and his mother questioned his judgement. she changed her mind after he brought her home. she praised him for making the right choice. through this win-win combination, they enjoy a fruitful marriage. she is living the life she desired. however, this lady claims she has never really been in love.

i guess my mother is trying to tell me something. but honestly, i dunno to be happy or sad for her.

jumping to conclusions

2007-07-02T15:23:00.001+08:00

sometimes in fits of anger, the mind is clouded. judgments are passed and some may be wrongfully accused. okay, bear in mind i said sometimes.

i'm not someone who hides how i feel. if i like u, great! and if i don't, you'll be sure to know. althou i must admit, sometimes i judge a person too quickly. so if you are keen on hanging around, give me some time to get to know you better. if you aren't, well...... we best be going our separate ways then.

probably, the best way to not be entwined in matters that are out of your hands is to stay out of it. see no evil, hear no evil, and most importantly, speak no evil. 祸从口出... haven't you heard? in my case, it's always the things i say or do in fits of anger that get me into the worst sorts of trouble.

do you have to attain a certain extent of enlightenment before you are able to 退一步海阔天空？

what kind of mistake do i have to make b4 i learn how to cultivate patience?

happy to be resting at home but...

2007-07-02T08:38:00.000+08:00

i think i've become a morning person. thanks to influence from a certain someone. it's really quite hard for me to sleep-in past 8 am. even thou i was thinking "yay! tmr mc! haha can laze in bed" but i woke up at 6! jeez my body clock has become normal already.

here i am at 8.46 am on a monday morning at home, worrying about my poor 金木水火土东南西北 starving in the office! daM...

i miss u lots lg... it's ok you can't be around today... anyway i'm feeling much better after sweating it out last night. just coughed out a couple of thick, sticky, solidy phlegm. hahahaha

i feel so weak

2007-07-01T16:55:00.001+08:00

i'm sick. fever, sore throat, phlegm got bloody taste. yuks. can't manage to "kaaaarrrrrrrrPui!" it out. can't manage to puke it out. arghh.

been telling everyone since 3 wks ago that i feel like i'm going to fall sick soon. so apparently this evil little bugger has been parasiting in my body for 3 whole wks. it hasn't fully blossomed yet thou... i guess tmr's gonna be hell. it usually takes a turn for the worse after i sleep at night.

haven't had dinner, didn't have breakfast, no lunch either. lg was around but too engrossed watching bleach and far too lazy to get me food. sobs. feel so un-taken care of.

LG: here's a msg to u.... buck up! lp's dying here... it takes action to show u care.

can't sit up anymore. back to huddling in my blanket.

every morning...

2007-06-26T09:31:00.000+08:00

i'd wake up and go "shit! past 7 le"
i'd ponder about whether i've got enough time to take a shower
i'd ponder a little more and go "shit! way past 7 le!!"
i'd grumpily decide to climb out of bed
i'd take roughly 1/2 hr to get ready
i'd look at the clock and go "damn! have to leave early otherwise jam!!"
i'd grab my belongings and rush out the door
i'd light my cigarette and climb down 5 flights of stairs
i'd cross a small road to the multi-storey carpark and climb another 2 flights of stairs
i'd start my engine and finish my smoke
i'd get into the car and zoom down 2 decks of cars
i'd curse and swear all the way to work cos of stupid drivers and the stupid jam
i'd peer into the office carpark as i turn in and hope there's a good lot to park
i'd trot up yet another 3 flight of stairs
i'd say "morning!" to emily while rummaging thru my bag for my keys
i'd open my door and walk into the boss' room
i'd go up to the fish tank and say hihi to my darling 金木水火土东南西北
i'd check the water level and feed my dear fishies
finally i'd turn on my computer and wait for the day to end...

some people are just...

2007-06-20T14:27:00.000+08:00

... full of shit.
... plain despicable.
... a waste of time.

peaceful days

2007-06-20T09:06:00.000+08:00

wanted to chat with my lg online but seems like he's busy at the moment... so decided to ~~pen~~ keyboard things down instead...

ever since i've moved into my new place, i've consistently made sure my room is neat and clean. i feel so accomplished! lol i make my bed every morning, i mopped and swept, i ngiao lg if he dumps his socks all over. haha really insignificant tasks that i feel so proud of. goes to show how pampered i've been rite? lol

halfway thru a wk my lg promised to share with me... yay! i know it's a big sacrifice for u to bang seh ur bruddas for me... and u risk getting scorned at. but it's worth it lg; lp really appreciates the gesture. muax!

been a hectic wk at work thou... the renovations are not proceeding as scheduled, and i can't seem to make things work out the way i want them to. i suppose not everybody is obliged to help u as and when u want help. there's not point flaring up at others when things aren't getting done. (sorry duckie) but what's most impt is to keep trying and working around the problem. there's always another way out.

talking about obligations... i was pretty pissed off at a certain sms i read in a certain somebody's hp from a certain someone else. if u need assistance, always ask in a polite manner. nobody is obliged to help u. (unless of course ur talking about parents. budden again not all parents are as nice as mine =p) if that certain someone is not available to assist u, jolly well go find somebody else. however, seeing as how that certain somebody could get so frustrated at a seemingly simple task, it wouldn't have occurred to that certain somebody to look for someone else. haha. ok... i already told myself i shan't stoop to certain levels and vent my anger due to something so miniscule. (oops)

all in all, i'm at peace with myself. and i love talking to my boss' 金木水火土，东南西北。（they're boss' new japanese koi! lol and i suspect they recognise my voice already)

1 down!

2007-06-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

many more to go!!

trials and tribulations

2007-06-12T08:51:00.000+08:00

我想他是老天给予我的考验，让我学会独立和寂寞。独自一人在空荡荡的房间里，孤独的寂静让人难以呼吸。是要改变还是学会习惯呢？

this is why i want to move out

2007-06-05T10:16:00.000+08:00

吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。

unchartered waters

2007-06-04T11:42:00.000+08:00

finally, the time has come for me to prove myself. setting foot into new territories, braving the unknown... challenging myself and the washing machine... XD tmd i hope i conquer the blardy washing machine at least!

ok if u have no clue wat im talking about... my boss has finally asked me (more like ordered me) to start meddling into HR affairs! whee... which means a new road has opened in my career path... good or bad? BETTER BE GOOD. more stress more stress pleeeeese... i need the distraction.

washing machine-wise, i found a room! ok not totally confirmed but 90% im moving out this month! heehee... kinda stupid thou cos its actually even further away from my workplace than my own hse. and the traffic in the morning is worse off... which means i have to do my own laundry, clean my own room and WAKE UP EVEN EARLIER! jeez... wtf am i getting myself into... the landlord's WM better be iDIOTprooF man...

pms

2007-05-29T09:58:00.000+08:00

i am suffering from pms. (maybe that's just a convenient excuse women have the privilege of using every 2-3 wks)

things didn't go the way i planned. i suck at planning. i have concepts and theories but i seldom execute them the way they should have been. i'm lazy. i often assume that some matters, when left alone, will conform to my desires. who am i kidding? heh

how do i go from here? am i looking for the easiest way out? i see many paths spread out before me, but do u really have to walk the walk to find out wat's at the end?

babu wings grow hard le!

2007-05-28T11:28:00.000+08:00

i've decided to move out! wheeeeeeeeeee it's fun shopping for a place to live in... oh well, not as fun with a budget but still, exciting nonetheless!

full independence? nah... i'm still pampered... have the comfort of owning a car without full liability... have a daddy who (while in drunken stupor) promised me 2 new cars and a condo... have a lg who is trying his best to give me lotsa loving thou there's much to be improved on (u know wat im talking about) have friends who watch over me and support me when i'm down... good life hor?

so why burden myself with monthly rental, self-service laundry, self-paid internet and self-aid meals? to me, these are small prices to pay for 耳根清静。 wilful? perhaps... but hey, i believe i can fly... spread my wings and fly away...............

it's a matter of time anyway. learn the ropes sooner, gain more experience and i'd probably be able to handle me and myself better.

dear dot

2007-05-21T09:45:00.000+08:00

how are u feeling today my dear little piggy? did the both of u manage to meet up last night? hope things went well...

dotty dear, i suddenly feel as silly as u unoe... silly to get upset over silly little things... silly how u know it's silly but u just can't control urself... silly how the tears keep gushing out and u want him to comfort u but silly how he'll think ure silly if u tell him y...

it isn't easy to keep our temper in check... it isn't easy to not kick up a big fuss because small little things like these actually matter to us... and it isn't easy to not react to everything they say or do, cos everything that comes from them induces some emotion or reaction in us.

how do u overcome sensitivity and paranoia?

we aren't in the exact same situation, but we wish for the same outcome. i wish things would turn out great for the both of us...

no matter what happens dot, babu is just a phone call away!

love lots ~big hug~

aquarian women vs librian men

2007-05-18T09:43:00.000+08:00

AQUARIUS WOMAN

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she cannot find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader, a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometimes acts like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show his own confidence. She likes to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to have many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dares to fight for what she thinks belongs to her.

Even if she acts confident she mostly feels lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her, let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepared to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not keep secrets from her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad, be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bored with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she believes what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.

If she's mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of the guys", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice to her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful lover and will never bore you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

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LIBRA MAN

A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol. He is not the gentle, cool, calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometimes he can be so depressed and unstable, up and down like he is trying to balance himself most of the time.

To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smile even when he is mad or upset. His voice is always gentle and calm. He always sets and combs his hair as if he just came out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good looking, even the ugly one is charming. When he smiles, it is so bright that the whole world is smiling with him too.

When he is in a balanced mood, he is the type of person you want to be with. In other unbalanced moods, he likes to make people argue about something and watching it with fascination and fun. He will wait to be the one who compromises and clears things up. He likes to be in a conflicting conversation.

Libra man is lazy by nature. After his tired day at work, he likes to sit still and just look out of the window or read quietly. He likes to be in his own world. After recharging his battery, he will be very energetic again and may even take you out that night.

Libra man normally will not do any shocking or abnormal things to be noticed. He likes to be conformed with his crowd, but if you watch him carefully, you will see the different. If he wear a shirt, it will have to be a zipper front instead of buttons, or a special tie bar. There is always something in him that he will not allow totally conformity to take him over.

A straight forward , no non-sense guy. He is careful and delicate in details. He will spent extra time to doing it right, than comes back to correct them later. He hates people who boost, or exaggerate. He does not like over dressed woman or make herself a center of an attention.

He loves to read. He loves poems and loves art. When he works he can work like crazy, but after work he can turn on romantic jazzy music and treat you so gently. He loves to give people advice and normally give a good advice. If you fall for him, you will stay like being trapped in a spider web. If you want to break up with him, he will persuade you a zillion ways to stay and you can not stop him anyway. After he persuade you to stay, or after a big fight, he will be so sweet to you as if he has never hurt your feeling before ever.

He will have his own way to win a girl love and affection. Once she says yes, he will lay back and wonder if he should go on or if he should back out. In his teens, he changed many girlfriends because he cannot clearly separate loving a friend and loving a girl friend. He will check and re-cheek if his match is suitable and compatible with him.

Even if he is a romantic man, he can hardly understand the emotions of the one he loves. He is a generous guy even he sets his life so systematically. He never knows when he makes you unhappy. He never knows how he upset you. He will never knows what he said wrong. If he is your lover, be prepared for this.

A not so pretty girl with no brains is not his type of woman. If you are not pretty enough, he will not mind talking to you but he does not care to get to know you. Any girls, pretty or ugly can ask for his help, he will be happy to help. He hates to argue by yelling at each other, so you tend to see he argue with his girl friend seriously but try at best to be very quiet.

He likes to have a girl friend by getting to know each other like a friend first. If you want him, you have to like the same thing he does. He prefers a pretty and gentle woman over a smart and ugly woman. You have to understand his mood especially he can has many different moods. He is a private person, so when he needs to be alone better let him be.

对不起！

2007-05-17T10:25:00.004+08:00

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我是酒鬼！！ T_T

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great night!

2007-05-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

it was spectacular! i sang my heart out! i enjoyed the company! i love u guys!!!!!!!!

when someone is @@ at u

2007-05-14T10:08:00.000+08:00

it is freaky.

u start wondering y. u start being conscious of your actions. u feel uncomfortable, as if they're on to u.

wait a sec! 平时不做亏心事，夜半敲门也不惊。

but is what i'm doing wrong? doubts fill my mind, fear binds my heart.

it's just so f*cking freaky.

thank you 老公！

2007-05-04T17:01:00.000+08:00

my prized possessions... i was so touched i didn't know what to say but just hold him soooo tightly. i really appreciate the things you do for me. thank you a million times for being by my side.

the neverending wishlist!

2007-05-03T16:57:00.000+08:00

how come nobody notices my wishlist de... if anybody did i'd be striking stuff off le rite? SOBS! very detailed le leh... colour, model, BRAND... *SUPER BIG HINT*

muahahahahaha